The difference between running away and running to is a concept I now understand. I don’t know how life would have been if I had stayed put – living in the land between loss and failure. I ran away thinking that physical change would remedy my heart and new spaces and places would fill the old familiar sadness.
Over time, I learned that haunting aches lingered in the area hanging heavy on my soul and permeated my heart regardless of location. Old regrets moved with me and settled in the neighborhood. With care, I unpacked each mistake from well worn boxes. Whispered words floated in the gentle breath of the wind and found old resting places between each beat of my heart.
In the stillness of the woods, I searched for peace and amidst the glory of Tennessee lilies on a country morning; I found lingering Kentucky memories in full bloom. There was no hiding from the truths blinding my sight. In the hollows of the mountains, I again found the emptiness of my life and settled into the routine until change abruptly slammed me against concrete walls and barriers.
Today, I may only walk on paths but I have chosen these trails and the people who walk alongside. The damp air no longer hides sorrow and I am home in these new places wearing well worn shoes and moving towards a place that is only found in my heart.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Monday, December 13, 2010
Standing Still
On a day when color blended into swirls of grey and white, I stood still and the earth stood still with me. On occasion a blood red cardinal rested on a branch as the northern wind whispered softly through barren woods. The air was damp with sorrow and I reflected the earth’s mood mirroring southern trees bent under the weight of fresh snow. I heard the creek waters slow and languidly dance in new rhythms before stilling in the hush of a darkening sky.
Another gentle gust of air pushed the clouds away from the sun. The landscape sparkled under the winter rays and freshly lit crystals rose with unabashed glory. Icy fingers lingered mid-air creating rare moments in frozen time.
I wondered if my life shone each day with icy glitter or soft as fairy dust sprinkled on the air. Am I found in the soft snow drifts that look solid and firm but fall apart with the slightest touch of a broken twig? Perhaps, I am heard in the harsh sounds of ice laden branches falling off strong trees and shattering into myriad pieces upon landing.
I don’t know what colors others see. Nor do I know what they hear when I speak. Do they remember me during the seasons of time? Perhaps they have already passed me by in search of that which they don’t know -rushing onward with fast steps and faster words always racing without pause. These are all things I don’t know.
And yet, this is what I do know. In the eyes of those who love me, I sparkle as a polished gem and shine like the northern star shimmering above a winter wonderland. They look beyond the cold and through the shadows. Their love burns into the clouds and illuminates my heart. They see what others miss. They listen and hear me in the quiet. They search and patiently uncover my secrets. They know me and still love me. All because they stood still long enough and I stood still with them.
Another gentle gust of air pushed the clouds away from the sun. The landscape sparkled under the winter rays and freshly lit crystals rose with unabashed glory. Icy fingers lingered mid-air creating rare moments in frozen time.
I wondered if my life shone each day with icy glitter or soft as fairy dust sprinkled on the air. Am I found in the soft snow drifts that look solid and firm but fall apart with the slightest touch of a broken twig? Perhaps, I am heard in the harsh sounds of ice laden branches falling off strong trees and shattering into myriad pieces upon landing.
I don’t know what colors others see. Nor do I know what they hear when I speak. Do they remember me during the seasons of time? Perhaps they have already passed me by in search of that which they don’t know -rushing onward with fast steps and faster words always racing without pause. These are all things I don’t know.
And yet, this is what I do know. In the eyes of those who love me, I sparkle as a polished gem and shine like the northern star shimmering above a winter wonderland. They look beyond the cold and through the shadows. Their love burns into the clouds and illuminates my heart. They see what others miss. They listen and hear me in the quiet. They search and patiently uncover my secrets. They know me and still love me. All because they stood still long enough and I stood still with them.
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